Saturday

Decide to give mountain bike some TLC expecting to be riding again soon. Take off wheels. Remove tires to find giant Stan's boogers. Clean Stan's off of tires and wheels. Mount new front tire. Fill with Stan's. Hit with compressor. Success. Mount older rear tire. Fill with Stan's. Hit with compressor. Fail. Again. Fail. Try CO2 cartridge. Fail. Try compressor again. Fail. Compressor dies. Try remaining CO2 cartridges. Fail. Try floor pump as fast as I can. Fail. Again. Fail. Curse loudly. Debate throwing floor pump into neighbor's yard. Remove tire. Clean Stan's off of tire and wheel. Mount tire with tube. Inflate with floor pump. Hear hissing. Watch tire deflate. Search for another tube. Fail. Make animalistic grunting noises. Close eyes. Deep breath. Count to ten. Walk upstairs. Crack open beer.